Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Trust

I find it hard to distinguish between my intuition/instinct and feelings of paranoia. I really don't think that Johnny would cheat on me. I think he really loves me and he wants to be with me and he doesn't want to hurt me. Is it stupid for me to think that though? Should I be taking what I learned from my mistakes with Malnourished (my ex) and using them in this relationship? There are certain things that Johnny has done that maybe are signs that I should run. Like when I caught him dancing with another girl at Bar A. Or the fact that he has a MySpace account and never mentioned it. And the fact that Leslie saw on his MySpace that he is listed as Single and looking for "sexy ass woman that aren't damaged." Do I take these things as reasons to not be with him? Or are they just dumb things that don't matter? At some point I just have to put my full trust in Johnny and not be afraid to get hurt. Everyone has the potential to hurt us but not everyone will. I want to be a really good girlfriend and I don't want to give him a reason to want to cheat. From the conversations we have had he said he has never cheated on a girlfriend and that he would never want to meet a girl online. I think I need to go with my true feelings about Johnny because I know deep down that he is a good man and that he loves me. I can't let the little things get to me. He knows that he is lucky to have me and I don't think he is going to do anything to mess that up.

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