All in...

So I've decided (I'm pretty sure I've came to this conclusion before and just not stuck to it) that I am going to give Johnny my complete trust. I have to. I expect him to trust me and to get that I need to give it. I mean he hasn't really done anything to deserve anything less. Most of my trust issues stem from a past relationship and I can't hold the things that happened with someone else again Johnny. I'm afraid of not seeing the signs that tell me we aren't going to work. There were so many signs I should have seen in previous relationships. But I guess the saying that hindsight is 20/20 is a saying for a reason.
I just have to let go and I'm going to try really hard to do it this time. I overanalyze things and I let things get stuck in my head but I need to follow my heart more often. I know he loves me and that he would never do anything intentionally to hurt me. I might still get hurt but that is part of life and I think I'm doing more harm by being afraid of that.
OMG it's so hard though! I just sat here for a moment thinking about how I'm going to relinquish control and put my trust in him. I got a little scared! I got that nervous feeling in my stomach! I think I need help. I need thereapy to get over this need of being in control.
Ok no therapy yet (because I can't afford it) so I'm going to have to try to get through this on my own.