Am I stupid? Do I live in a dream world? Yesterday on the plane ride home all I could think about was how much I love Johnny and how much I want to be with him forever. I want to marry him and work towards a good life together. I want his problems to be mine and vice versa. And then I come home to him talking about how unhappy he is and how much I contribute to him being depressed. Talk about a ton of bricks. Everything he said is true. Although I try to be supportive and understanding I actually am just a huge selfish bitch. I'm a control freak and I'm only happy if things go exactly my way.
We are never going to make it if we can't learn to work together as a team. I think we both are so selfish and we only think of ourselves when we make decisions. Even though I like to pretend that I'm so much better than that and that I think of "us" when I make decisions, I don't. I think about me and how I can be in control.
I just want to cry, lay in bed in the dark and cry for 3 days. Maybe that's what I'll do this weekend.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
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I think half the battle-- maybe more than half the battle-- is being self-aware about this stuff and being able to communicate with each other. If you guys commit to sticking it out, you have a whole lifetime to work through this stuff. Loving each other, committing, being self-aware, and communicating? That's the whole thing, girl! And it's more than most people have.
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