There will be no love like Johnny and June.

I'm done being sorry for wanting what I want. I want what I want and I'm not going to pretend that I'm ok not having it. I just wish Johnny could be what I want. But people don't change unless they really want to. Johnny went out again last night and had the balls to tell me that he spend all weekend with me and I still am not satisfied. He also told me that since he is turning 30 in a year that he needs to party a lot until then and he isn't going to explain himself anymore. He also said that I just want to control him and act like his mom. Oh and the best part was that he said I ruined his night last night by basically breathing. Well I'm pissed. I deserve better than this. I'm tired of being a chore to Johnny. So tonight we are going to have a talk and I'm basically going to tell him that I can't do this anymore. I'm super sad that I'm going to lose him but I'm not happy in our relationship. I just hope I can go through with it. Not only tonight but in the next few days, weeks and months. I've been through this before 2 years ago with my boyfriend of 7 years and if he hadn't pretty much abandoned me, I would probably still be with him. I have a tendency to get lonely and go back to these guys. I'm always afraid that I will never find anyone else. But I have to have faith. I spent most of last night crying while watching the Sex and the City movie. I like to watch chick flicks and listen to sad songs when I'm sad. Someone is going to love me for that and someone is going to want to spend time with me. It won't be a chore for him.