Sorry it's been so long!

I can't believe it has been almost 3 weeks since I last posted! What a bad blogger I am!!!

Life has been cruising by that is for sure! I think summers are always like that though, at least for me.

I did talk to my friend a couple weeks ago about our little situation . Our talk was good but neither of us was willing to back down from our views. I think we both understand where the other is coming from but it hasn't changed what we both think. She still hates Johnny which makes things a little awkward. Our friendship definitely isn't the same as it used to be. It feels a little forced and even though she said she still wants me to talk to her about Johnny I don't really feel comfortable doing so. So I guess we'll just see how things go.

Johnny has been amazing lately! After the last time he stayed out all night we talked about it (basically me telling him I wasn't going to stick around if it happened again and that he was going to lose everything that means anything to him if he continues the erratic behavior). He broke my heart (which I told him) and I became a little indifferent. He realized that he was about to lose the best thing he has ever had and will ever have so he made a decision to change his lifestyle. He's been just great! And I'm gaining back my confidence in us and my trust in him which is really good. He's been talking about marriage a lot lately. He tells me that he has never wanted to marry anyone until he met me. He used to say that he wanted to get married in about 7 years and then last week when we were cuddling in bed he whispered to me "I think I want to get married sooner than I thought." Then a couple days ago when we were sitting on the couch he said "if I didn't think it was too tacky I would want to go to the courthouse and get married". I responded with "oh really?" And he said that he wants to be with me forever and that I'm the best and only girl for him. Now that the prospect of marriage is front and center I'm really scared by it. To me marriage is a lifelong commitment. I don't plan on ever getting divorced. I want to be married but do I want it right now? Am I ready to make that big of a decision in my life right now? I love Johnny and things are going well right now but how do I know that he won't start behaving the way he was? Johnny isn't financially ready to propose or have a wedding so I have time to think about everything. It's just funny that I've always wanted to get married and I've been so anxious about it and then when it is right in front of me for the taking I'm taking a step back. I guess it is good that I'm not jumping right in and I'm being thoughtful about it.

The part that really stinks about this is that I feel like I can't talk to my 2 closest friends about it because they are the ones who don't think Johnny is right for me.