Wow... I really need to get a hold of myself sometimes. Johnny and I have been having some issues lately. I know that we are both at fault and that we both can be a little selfish sometimes. I often wonder what the difference is between a gut instinct and sheer paranoia. Well yesterday I discovered it.
I got home from work and Johnny had already left for his night class. I was putting away the clean dishes in the kitchen and I noticed that Johnny had taken the garbage out. My first instinct was "oh, that was nice of him to do that without me asking." And then my next thought was "Why did he take it out without me asking? Was there something in there that he didn't want me to see? Something that would prove he is cheating on me?!?!"
HOW RIDICULOUS IS THAT?! I have absolutely no evidence that he is cheating on me besides the fact that he has been partying a little more than usual lately. Otherwise he has still been sweet to me and he tells me he loves me more than anything and wants to be with me forever. But for some reason I have been obsessively thinking that he is seeing someone else. Anytime he is late or doesn't call when he said he would my mind automatically goes there and I'm beginning to think it is paranoia and paranoia only! Especially after my thoughts last night....
So I gave myself a little pep talk about how ridiculous I was being and how I was letting my irrational thoughts get to me. Now I know that I'm definitely not helping our situation with thoughts like that so I've decided to try a few things this week to make our relationship a little better.
1. Focus on the positive things and not the negative. I think this is self-explanatory but I'm going to try to put the majority of my focus on the positive things that Johnny does. Lately I feel like I only notice and comment on the negative things that happen. That is only going to make both of us feel depressed so this week I'm going to concentrate on a glass half full :-D
2. Be a "yes" woman. I think I've gotten a little boring over the last year. Now I blame it on it being winter and trying to save money but I just haven't gone out and had fun like I used to do. I say "no" most of the times that Johnny asks me to go out. No one wants to date a Boring Betty. So this week I'm going to try really hard to say "yes" to more fun things when Johnny asks.
3. I'm going to make an effort to not dislike Johnny's friends. I think they are really immature and I'm afraid of the affect they have on Johnny. But I expect him to get a long with my friends and be pleasant when we hang out with them so I should do the same.
We'll see how this goes!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
From a fellow doubter, I will tell you right now that the way you are feeling is normal, HOWEVER...I thought for years I had trust issues, I thought for years that I was just going to have to deal with it.
I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression in grade 10, on prozac for 2 years, and tried to do it on my own.
The crazyness continued for years, and got better, and worse, at the same time and at different times.
I finally went off birth control a year ago, and I have never felt better. I am not a paranoid, unconfident, needy person that I was for SO MANY years. What a waste of life it was for me. Have you ever talked to a therapist, or been diagnosed with anything June?
Either you deserve a hell of alot better than this Johnny Guy, or you deserve to be a hell of alot better version of YOURSELF! My birth control was 100% causing my paranoia and depression, maybe yours is coming from somewhere other than Johnny actions?!?!
Post a Comment