I'm sitting at a coffee shop drinking a bubble tea, listening to sad songs and reading blogs. I'm so down about Johnny and I today. I just got home 4 days ago from a week of not seeing him and we have spent only 2 nights together and I feel like that was a chore for him. He didn't come home from partying Friday night until 5 pm on Saturday and then last night he didn't come home either until about noon today. I couldn't get a hold of him at all between 8 am and noon. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to date someone like this anymore. I spent most of the morning crying and watching the Sex and the City movie which I always watch when I'm sad about my relationship. Now, listening to sad songs is somehow making me feel better. Like someone out there is feeling the same things I am and was able to put it into words in a great song :-) I don't think Johnny cares about my feelings at all. Yesterday he apologized for disappearing on Friday night/Saturday morning but then he does the same thing last night and today. I'm so confused because he talks about how much he loves me and how he wants to marry me someday but then his actions seem to say that I come last to everything else in his life. I just can't deal with it anymore. I want to run away and never see him again. I wish some guy would write a book on why guys say one thing but do another!
How do I work up the courage to break things off? I hate even mentioning that but I'm not happy anymore. I'm faced with an impossible decision, break up with him and be miserable or stay and be miserable. Either way I don't get what I want.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
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This weekend, I found my diary. I kept a diary from 7th grade through most of college. The one I found includes the last months of my last serious bf (before meeting Husby). I was so in love then. I thought I had found the one. We had dated for 6 years. Husby and I haven't even been together that long.
We'll let me tell you. Looking back at my diary ramblings...I should have dumped his ass long before he broke things off with me. He partied all the time and never made time for me. I complained about it in my diary incessantly. I never came first over friends. It was a disaster. I'm ashamed I never realized it.
Here's what I do know. When I met Husby, I really did "know" that I met "the one." He had no problem spending all his time with me - giving me no problem to let him party with his boys all night if he wanted to. That said, I normally got a phone call around midnight that I needed to meet up with him because he missed me so.
Basically, when you really have met "the one" you stop compromising your self worth and begin compromising bathroom space. You stop arguing over late nights away and begin arguing about what show to watch on tv. You stop crying all the time and begin crying once in a while. Dating is supposed to be fun. It's marriage that's the hard stuff. If you've lost the fun in dating, then it's time to bid a sad farewell to Johnny and rename the blog. Best of luck in your decision. Hope this helps.
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